I love this! Fun Wedding Entrance!

I LOVE IT!!!!!

What do you think of FLOTUS's new hair?

Did she get it cut or is it just pinned up in the back? I'm not sure...but it's very attractive and she's looking lovely in white!

Edited to Add: On another note...I had a conversation with some folks about her family vacation to the Grand Canyon and the subsequent uproar over her wearing shorts on the trip. (mid August) I appreciate that she's kept some of her own identity for herself and hasn't succumbed to the pressure to meet every expectation of the main stream media and the public. Do we want a Stepford wife for a First Lady or a real woman? (I know, I know...we want a Stepford wife....that's a large part of our problem now with American standards of real beauty and womanhood) Kudos to the First Lady for being unafraid to be uniquely herself at the end of the day. She'll make some allowances....but she will not compromise herself entirely to match the unreasonable expectations being heaped upon her by others. We should be proud.

President Obama Speaks up on the Cambridge Police/Skip Gates Incident

Our beloved POTUS is weighing in on the unfortunate incident that took place in Cambridge, Mass last week between Harvard Professor Henry "Skip" Gates and the Cambridge Police.

****UPDATE**** Apparently some folks believe he shouldn't have "picked a side" in this debate. :/ Whateva, man. Just because our President is Black doesn't mean he shouldn't comment on race-related issues! *Hmpf* Grow up! They don't like that he used "stupidly" to describe the behavior of the Cambridge police officer. Well...the guy DID have his id! The behavior WAS "stupid".

Here's Prof. Gates' first interview on the situation. And, here's his attorney, the esteemed Harvard Law Professor Charles Ogletree's statement.

Meanwhile...you should know that the Cambridge police department HAS dropped the disorderly conduct charge against Prof. Gates and now the soddy little police report has disappeared from the web mysteriously! :) Hmmmmmm.

1) That first officer should have left well enough alone when the man showed him his driver's license and Harvard ID proving his residence and identity.

2) I'm glad they acted a fool on the wrong guy this time. Maybe now we can get some valid exposure for a problem that has been swept under the rug for too long. (you know our Skip Gates will have a racial profiling documentary on PBS ASAP)

3) I hope Prof. Ogletree rips the Cambridge Police Department a new one for every black man and black teen who has been or will be arbitrarily harassed by law enforcement in this country.

4) This is a good month for Black folks being validated...first the Valley Swim Club in Philly has to practically BEG the little black children to come back and now Cambridge Police Department is about to be singing and dancing a nice little tune.

My Grandmother Died Today

My maternal grandmother died today of full renal failure and congestive heart failure. She was 94 years old. She was married for about 50 years before my grandfather passed away. She never remarried. She had four daughters, nine grandchildren and eighteen great-grands. She was a deeply spiritual woman. The kind that believed God was going to heal her of all of her ailments rather than medicine. She never even wore pants until her eighties.

I remember the day we took her car keys away. She was about 80. She was always so self-sufficient. Driving here and there. Helping people in need. Cutting the lawn. Gardening. Washing windows on a ladder. It was sad when we realized she couldn't drive anymore. It was a true turning point in her life and in our lives for we always knew her to be independent and full of her wits.

She's always been outspoken and would condemn any and everybody who wasn't living right. That was just her way. But, it has been difficult watching her deteriorate over the past four years. It became so that anytime she said anything judgmental or stinging we would get excited and just relish it because it was one more glimpse of the grandmother we all knew and loved.

I'm having mixed feelings about death in general. I used to view it as such a tragedy. Something to fear and something to avoid. But now, looking at my own life and the lives of those around me; looking at the state of the world and thinking about spirituality and the reality of God - I really have begun to see death as a simple process in a cycle that is not to be feared any more than being born is.

And yet, it is terribly sad indeed for me. When I began recalling how sweet she was towards me; how supportive and encouraging; she had such a wonderful way of believing in us.....I realized then, that I will never have HER loving me that way again in my life. She always called me a "Good Girl". She would chastise me if my clothing or hair wasn't befitting of her image of how a "Good Girl" should appear. But, when I would get it right....she would praise me so. She would fawn over me as though she were my greatest fan. It was nice. It was also helpful. I think she could look past each one of us on the outside and look straight into why God made us and she would only acknowledge THAT. It was nice indeed. To be held in esteem for who you were born to be rather than to be handled for who you've become for all of your mistakes and foibles.

She was my very last living grandparent. And, grandparents are exceedingly important in a child's life....in an adult's life. Someone who adores you unconditionally and is always tickled pink to see you. I miss her deeply.

I do not know how heaven and hell and reincarnation works. I'm not really sure where she is or if her consciousness doesn't die. But, I need to believe that I can still have her kind of love in my life. I need to believe that she can see me and feel me and that she will reach out to me from time to time. I miss you, Grandmother.

A Pure Heart is Cute but...

A pure heart and an empty head are not enough. My Civil Procedure professor used this notion to explain why a lawyer's due diligence as a responsibility to his client is non-negotiable. Due diligence in life is also non-negotiable. In law, there is also a "pure heart and empty head" defense. It's a term of art used to describe a defendant, usually in a criminal case, who admits misconduct but seeks to avoid liability because he's/she's "honest but ignorant" - meaning there is not sufficient intent to commit the crime. We use this defense ad nauseum in life. Ad nauseum. But it has its own collateral damages that will show up eventually.

Some may see the phrase as cold and insensitive but that won't make it any less true. When we are in denial about it, we invite rude awakenings. It's better to accept it and change your mind about it.

I love the phrase because in life, just as in law, good intentions are sweet, but they don't pay the bills. It's a clarion call for personal excellence. I love it most because it's not a judgment, but an opportunity to grow and flourish and constantly expand our own limits.

Thanks for stopping by. Feel free to comment, suggest, share or just say hi.

Why Do We Always Blame Mama?

Someone asked me why I had written a piece regarding the failure of parents (read: "mothers") to step up and take a more active role in their child's education with only a cursory mention of the role of the father. Here was my response:

"The Black father has given up his position of leadership in the household and the family. It doesn't matter what the reason. It doesn't matter whether it was the legacy of slavery, institutionalized racism, the Vietnam war and heroin. It doesn't really matter the cause. The bottomline is, it's the truth.

Black women, still being the very last bastion of loyalty, patience and unconditional love for the black man, have held out far beyond every logical indication that they are gone, to still love, adore and await their return. And, that's all very romantic and flowers and bluebirds and butterflies. Really, it is. However, our children have gone by the wayside in the interim and that has led to today's statistics which is NOT romantic in the least.

As a black woman, I don't believe I could begin to sufficiently explain to you, the degree to which black women have obsessed over WHY bm felt bw weren't "good enough" to stick around to commit to our families and our communities. But, to give you an example, it looks something like this: The sister walking down the street with blonde weave down to her tail, colored contacts and pancake makeup 2 shades too light. OR, it's the sister dressed like a hip hop video hooker, twerking with her children in the room at a family cookout. OR, it's the black single mom who has had 4 boyfriends over the course of 5 years around her two children. In and out of their home. In and out of her bedroom for her children to both witness and experience him staying and his leaving. The bw has been holding out hope against hope that the black man would come back home for good.

With that said...black children have been left to fend for and rear themselves to some degree. Their father was never around or just left one day and their mother's guidance has been frustrated by her own inability to rise above abiding pain and disappointment. Which was why I directed comments mainly towards her. Because, generally, most black single parent households are run by mothers. And, many of these mothers are distracted by either denial or by longing for a black man's absence or his return. Meanwhile, our children are missing out.

So, sisters, really need a paradigm shift. While the brothers SHOULD be fathers....we've had 25 years or so of preaching how that SHOULD happen and guess what? Many have not been moved by that concept. Even though THEY grew up without a dad, they have no problem with commiting the same crime against their own. A huge majority STILL disappear! Even men who were MARRIED to their children's mother, today use their own distance as an instrument to punish the exWife at the expense of the children. They just aren't around and it's time to stop lamenting over it and focus in on filling in the gaps for the child.

Yes, brothers are responsible for their offspring and should be present...but in the meantime, while we are waiting on BM to "get it", we cannot waste one more nanosecond waiting on the front stoop for brother to come back home while our children's futures are compromised due to lack of proper guidance and education.I took too long here to simply say this....sure, we expect and would LOVE to see FATHERS back where they need to be....but the child is already here. So, in the interim, single moms bear ALL the responsibility for how the child turns out. Period."

Do we want Black fathers back? Absolutely. But, can we afford to sit around on the front stoop waiting while our babies fall through the cracks....Absolutely not.