Thursday, July 23, 2009
I LOVE IT!!!!!
What do you think of FLOTUS's new hair?
Did she get it cut or is it just pinned up in the back? I'm not sure...but it's very attractive and she's looking lovely in white!
Edited to Add: On another note...I had a conversation with some folks about her family vacation to the Grand Canyon and the subsequent uproar over her wearing shorts on the trip. (mid August) I appreciate that she's kept some of her own identity for herself and hasn't succumbed to the pressure to meet every expectation of the main stream media and the public. Do we want a Stepford wife for a First Lady or a real woman? (I know, I know...we want a Stepford wife....that's a large part of our problem now with American standards of real beauty and womanhood) Kudos to the First Lady for being unafraid to be uniquely herself at the end of the day. She'll make some allowances....but she will not compromise herself entirely to match the unreasonable expectations being heaped upon her by others. We should be proud.
President Obama Speaks up on the Cambridge Police/Skip Gates Incident
Our beloved POTUS is weighing in on the unfortunate incident that took place in Cambridge, Mass last week between Harvard Professor Henry "Skip" Gates and the Cambridge Police.
****UPDATE**** Apparently some folks believe he shouldn't have "picked a side" in this debate. :/ Whateva, man. Just because our President is Black doesn't mean he shouldn't comment on race-related issues! *Hmpf* Grow up! They don't like that he used "stupidly" to describe the behavior of the Cambridge police officer. Well...the guy DID have his id! The behavior WAS "stupid".
Here's Prof. Gates' first interview on the situation. And, here's his attorney, the esteemed Harvard Law Professor Charles Ogletree's statement.
Meanwhile...you should know that the Cambridge police department HAS dropped the disorderly conduct charge against Prof. Gates and now the soddy little police report has disappeared from the web mysteriously! :) Hmmmmmm.
1) That first officer should have left well enough alone when the man showed him his driver's license and Harvard ID proving his residence and identity.
2) I'm glad they acted a fool on the wrong guy this time. Maybe now we can get some valid exposure for a problem that has been swept under the rug for too long. (you know our Skip Gates will have a racial profiling documentary on PBS ASAP)
3) I hope Prof. Ogletree rips the Cambridge Police Department a new one for every black man and black teen who has been or will be arbitrarily harassed by law enforcement in this country.
4) This is a good month for Black folks being validated...first the Valley Swim Club in Philly has to practically BEG the little black children to come back and now Cambridge Police Department is about to be singing and dancing a nice little tune.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
My Grandmother Died Today
My maternal grandmother died today of full renal failure and congestive heart failure. She was 94 years old. She was married for about 50 years before my grandfather passed away. She never remarried. She had four daughters, nine grandchildren and eighteen great-grands. She was a deeply spiritual woman. The kind that believed God was going to heal her of all of her ailments rather than medicine. She never even wore pants until her eighties.
I remember the day we took her car keys away. She was about 80. She was always so self-sufficient. Driving here and there. Helping people in need. Cutting the lawn. Gardening. Washing windows on a ladder. It was sad when we realized she couldn't drive anymore. It was a true turning point in her life and in our lives for we always knew her to be independent and full of her wits.
She's always been outspoken and would condemn any and everybody who wasn't living right. That was just her way. But, it has been difficult watching her deteriorate over the past four years. It became so that anytime she said anything judgmental or stinging we would get excited and just relish it because it was one more glimpse of the grandmother we all knew and loved.
I'm having mixed feelings about death in general. I used to view it as such a tragedy. Something to fear and something to avoid. But now, looking at my own life and the lives of those around me; looking at the state of the world and thinking about spirituality and the reality of God - I really have begun to see death as a simple process in a cycle that is not to be feared any more than being born is.
And yet, it is terribly sad indeed for me. When I began recalling how sweet she was towards me; how supportive and encouraging; she had such a wonderful way of believing in us.....I realized then, that I will never have HER loving me that way again in my life. She always called me a "Good Girl". She would chastise me if my clothing or hair wasn't befitting of her image of how a "Good Girl" should appear. But, when I would get it right....she would praise me so. She would fawn over me as though she were my greatest fan. It was nice. It was also helpful. I think she could look past each one of us on the outside and look straight into why God made us and she would only acknowledge THAT. It was nice indeed. To be held in esteem for who you were born to be rather than to be handled for who you've become for all of your mistakes and foibles.
She was my very last living grandparent. And, grandparents are exceedingly important in a child's life....in an adult's life. Someone who adores you unconditionally and is always tickled pink to see you. I miss her deeply.
I do not know how heaven and hell and reincarnation works. I'm not really sure where she is or if her consciousness doesn't die. But, I need to believe that I can still have her kind of love in my life. I need to believe that she can see me and feel me and that she will reach out to me from time to time. I miss you, Grandmother.
Monday, July 20, 2009
A Pure Heart is Cute but...
A pure heart and an empty head are not enough. My Civil Procedure professor used this notion to explain why a lawyer's due diligence as a responsibility to his client is non-negotiable. Due diligence in life is also non-negotiable. In law, there is also a "pure heart and empty head" defense. It's a term of art used to describe a defendant, usually in a criminal case, who admits misconduct but seeks to avoid liability because he's/she's "honest but ignorant" - meaning there is not sufficient intent to commit the crime. We use this defense ad nauseum in life. Ad nauseum. But it has its own collateral damages that will show up eventually.
Some may see the phrase as cold and insensitive but that won't make it any less true. When we are in denial about it, we invite rude awakenings. It's better to accept it and change your mind about it.
I love the phrase because in life, just as in law, good intentions are sweet, but they don't pay the bills. It's a clarion call for personal excellence. I love it most because it's not a judgment, but an opportunity to grow and flourish and constantly expand our own limits.
Thanks for stopping by. Feel free to comment, suggest, share or just say hi.
Some may see the phrase as cold and insensitive but that won't make it any less true. When we are in denial about it, we invite rude awakenings. It's better to accept it and change your mind about it.
I love the phrase because in life, just as in law, good intentions are sweet, but they don't pay the bills. It's a clarion call for personal excellence. I love it most because it's not a judgment, but an opportunity to grow and flourish and constantly expand our own limits.
Thanks for stopping by. Feel free to comment, suggest, share or just say hi.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Why Do We Always Blame Mama?
Someone asked me why I had written a piece regarding the failure of parents (read: "mothers") to step up and take a more active role in their child's education with only a cursory mention of the role of the father. Here was my response:
"The Black father has given up his position of leadership in the household and the family. It doesn't matter what the reason. It doesn't matter whether it was the legacy of slavery, institutionalized racism, the Vietnam war and heroin. It doesn't really matter the cause. The bottomline is, it's the truth.
Black women, still being the very last bastion of loyalty, patience and unconditional love for the black man, have held out far beyond every logical indication that they are gone, to still love, adore and await their return. And, that's all very romantic and flowers and bluebirds and butterflies. Really, it is. However, our children have gone by the wayside in the interim and that has led to today's statistics which is NOT romantic in the least.
As a black woman, I don't believe I could begin to sufficiently explain to you, the degree to which black women have obsessed over WHY bm felt bw weren't "good enough" to stick around to commit to our families and our communities. But, to give you an example, it looks something like this: The sister walking down the street with blonde weave down to her tail, colored contacts and pancake makeup 2 shades too light. OR, it's the sister dressed like a hip hop video hooker, twerking with her children in the room at a family cookout. OR, it's the black single mom who has had 4 boyfriends over the course of 5 years around her two children. In and out of their home. In and out of her bedroom for her children to both witness and experience him staying and his leaving. The bw has been holding out hope against hope that the black man would come back home for good.
With that said...black children have been left to fend for and rear themselves to some degree. Their father was never around or just left one day and their mother's guidance has been frustrated by her own inability to rise above abiding pain and disappointment. Which was why I directed comments mainly towards her. Because, generally, most black single parent households are run by mothers. And, many of these mothers are distracted by either denial or by longing for a black man's absence or his return. Meanwhile, our children are missing out.
So, sisters, really need a paradigm shift. While the brothers SHOULD be fathers....we've had 25 years or so of preaching how that SHOULD happen and guess what? Many have not been moved by that concept. Even though THEY grew up without a dad, they have no problem with commiting the same crime against their own. A huge majority STILL disappear! Even men who were MARRIED to their children's mother, today use their own distance as an instrument to punish the exWife at the expense of the children. They just aren't around and it's time to stop lamenting over it and focus in on filling in the gaps for the child.
Yes, brothers are responsible for their offspring and should be present...but in the meantime, while we are waiting on BM to "get it", we cannot waste one more nanosecond waiting on the front stoop for brother to come back home while our children's futures are compromised due to lack of proper guidance and education.I took too long here to simply say this....sure, we expect and would LOVE to see FATHERS back where they need to be....but the child is already here. So, in the interim, single moms bear ALL the responsibility for how the child turns out. Period."
Do we want Black fathers back? Absolutely. But, can we afford to sit around on the front stoop waiting while our babies fall through the cracks....Absolutely not.
"The Black father has given up his position of leadership in the household and the family. It doesn't matter what the reason. It doesn't matter whether it was the legacy of slavery, institutionalized racism, the Vietnam war and heroin. It doesn't really matter the cause. The bottomline is, it's the truth.
Black women, still being the very last bastion of loyalty, patience and unconditional love for the black man, have held out far beyond every logical indication that they are gone, to still love, adore and await their return. And, that's all very romantic and flowers and bluebirds and butterflies. Really, it is. However, our children have gone by the wayside in the interim and that has led to today's statistics which is NOT romantic in the least.
As a black woman, I don't believe I could begin to sufficiently explain to you, the degree to which black women have obsessed over WHY bm felt bw weren't "good enough" to stick around to commit to our families and our communities. But, to give you an example, it looks something like this: The sister walking down the street with blonde weave down to her tail, colored contacts and pancake makeup 2 shades too light. OR, it's the sister dressed like a hip hop video hooker, twerking with her children in the room at a family cookout. OR, it's the black single mom who has had 4 boyfriends over the course of 5 years around her two children. In and out of their home. In and out of her bedroom for her children to both witness and experience him staying and his leaving. The bw has been holding out hope against hope that the black man would come back home for good.
With that said...black children have been left to fend for and rear themselves to some degree. Their father was never around or just left one day and their mother's guidance has been frustrated by her own inability to rise above abiding pain and disappointment. Which was why I directed comments mainly towards her. Because, generally, most black single parent households are run by mothers. And, many of these mothers are distracted by either denial or by longing for a black man's absence or his return. Meanwhile, our children are missing out.
So, sisters, really need a paradigm shift. While the brothers SHOULD be fathers....we've had 25 years or so of preaching how that SHOULD happen and guess what? Many have not been moved by that concept. Even though THEY grew up without a dad, they have no problem with commiting the same crime against their own. A huge majority STILL disappear! Even men who were MARRIED to their children's mother, today use their own distance as an instrument to punish the exWife at the expense of the children. They just aren't around and it's time to stop lamenting over it and focus in on filling in the gaps for the child.
Yes, brothers are responsible for their offspring and should be present...but in the meantime, while we are waiting on BM to "get it", we cannot waste one more nanosecond waiting on the front stoop for brother to come back home while our children's futures are compromised due to lack of proper guidance and education.I took too long here to simply say this....sure, we expect and would LOVE to see FATHERS back where they need to be....but the child is already here. So, in the interim, single moms bear ALL the responsibility for how the child turns out. Period."
Do we want Black fathers back? Absolutely. But, can we afford to sit around on the front stoop waiting while our babies fall through the cracks....Absolutely not.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Affirmative Action Debate in Light of the New Haven 20
Affirmative Action (AA) has been a topic of heated debate since its inception. Despite the fact that the greatest beneficiaries of AA initiatives have been white women, AA is still mischaracterized as a race-based legislation that gives an immensley unfair headstart to minorities in the US.
SCOTUS's recent decision in support of 20 white firefighter's from New Haven which ruled the AA initiatives of their employer - conducted in order to prevent a discrimination lawsuit - were unconstitutional. The case has sparked up the AA debate once again further promoting the idea that AA unfairly advantages minorities. Just some general thoughts on AA:
AA is necessary because it's been proven and time-tested that whites or those in power will always support their own over "others" when all other variables are equal or nearly equal. In a world where a black man with no felony convictions gets hired at a lower rate than a white male who does have a felony conviction, we have a long way to go before we can honestly state that AA is obselete.
On the flip-side, there are some disparities in college and grad school exams and in civil service testing that can be directly traced back to substandard educational conditions in minority communities in comparison to the higher educational opportunities that their white counterparts have. Suburban schools have stronger tax bases that give better financial support to their schools. Less minority families who live in urban areas can afford private education. AA is needed in post-secondary education until minority children are carrying grades and the exam scores that aren't so much lower than white children.
BUT....AA aside....I DO believe in academics....minorities bear some responsibility for the achievement gap between minority children and white children. When we were "separate and unequal" we achieved. We achieved with substandard supplies and buildings and staffing. We still did it. Education was paramount in the home. It's not been like that since the 80's. We don't value it anymore. I have to wonder if the "achievement gap" has less to do with discrimination and more to do with lazy, uneducated, unpurposeful parents.
Statistically, our children get lower entrance exam grades. There was a time when we would work with next to nothing to rear a successful child. We don't have family units doing that anymore. Those black and hispanic firefighters should not have overwhelmingly failed that exam. And, quite frankly, I do not want an embicile leading a fire crew when my house is all ablaze. Why did they overwhelmingly fail? It HAD to have had something to do with their education....and whose to blame for that? Maybe the govt needs to do more to outfit our public school system and bring it up to speed....but in the meantime....what are the parents gonna do?
SCOTUS's recent decision in support of 20 white firefighter's from New Haven which ruled the AA initiatives of their employer - conducted in order to prevent a discrimination lawsuit - were unconstitutional. The case has sparked up the AA debate once again further promoting the idea that AA unfairly advantages minorities. Just some general thoughts on AA:
AA is necessary because it's been proven and time-tested that whites or those in power will always support their own over "others" when all other variables are equal or nearly equal. In a world where a black man with no felony convictions gets hired at a lower rate than a white male who does have a felony conviction, we have a long way to go before we can honestly state that AA is obselete.
On the flip-side, there are some disparities in college and grad school exams and in civil service testing that can be directly traced back to substandard educational conditions in minority communities in comparison to the higher educational opportunities that their white counterparts have. Suburban schools have stronger tax bases that give better financial support to their schools. Less minority families who live in urban areas can afford private education. AA is needed in post-secondary education until minority children are carrying grades and the exam scores that aren't so much lower than white children.
BUT....AA aside....I DO believe in academics....minorities bear some responsibility for the achievement gap between minority children and white children. When we were "separate and unequal" we achieved. We achieved with substandard supplies and buildings and staffing. We still did it. Education was paramount in the home. It's not been like that since the 80's. We don't value it anymore. I have to wonder if the "achievement gap" has less to do with discrimination and more to do with lazy, uneducated, unpurposeful parents.
Statistically, our children get lower entrance exam grades. There was a time when we would work with next to nothing to rear a successful child. We don't have family units doing that anymore. Those black and hispanic firefighters should not have overwhelmingly failed that exam. And, quite frankly, I do not want an embicile leading a fire crew when my house is all ablaze. Why did they overwhelmingly fail? It HAD to have had something to do with their education....and whose to blame for that? Maybe the govt needs to do more to outfit our public school system and bring it up to speed....but in the meantime....what are the parents gonna do?
Bill Cosby Was Right!
Dr. Cosby was correct. And, later for those who were hit by the rocks. We have the power to change things and all of the tools needed right now. Take education for example.
We don't have to wait for more funding or even an overhaul of our public school system to begin to reverse the damage that we've done to ourselves. I love that our new POTUS has his eye on an overhaul of the public school system and the No Child Left Behind Act. But, no amount of money funneled into the schools is going to sufficiently circumvent the effects of the lack of support for education in the home. If a mother doesn't value education, then rare is the child who will. (there are some children who are independently motivated from birth...and they are the exception, not the rule.)
Sure, many suburban and private schools are well-funded with state of the art science labs, techonologically advanced classrooms and a laptop at every desk.....BOOKS for every child. :) I submit there are some things you cannot do without - up to date books being vital. However, when a child doesn't have a person in the home consistently taking an active interest in her schoolwork, her homework, her attendance and her participation in class and extracurricular activities, she is less likely to excel in school. Any school.
If you are an eighth grade boy more interested in basketball and girls and looking cool in front of your peers, and your mother doesn't even confirm whether you have homework or not, let alone confirm that you've completed it, or, moreso - checked your work for you, then no amount of school funding is going to change it.
Parents take their child's word for it when he says, "I don't have homework." They allow them to turn in substandard work done at the very last minute instead of keeping ahead of the child's requirements in all of his classes. Helping the child then build a habit of procrastination when it comes to the most important life activities.
There is no effort to teach our children at home how to produce quality work and how to maintain that standard. Junior doesn't have to worry about mama vetoing his essay because it's sloppy and has grammatical errors. He knows she won't even read it. Let alone require him to rewrite it. At the most...she will look at the page full of writing to confirm he did something and turn her attention elsewhere.Mama is not requiring that her children read for recreation and independent education in the home.
I'm not blaming mother but I am blaming mother. (and father) On one hand, her mother didn't instill stronger educational values in her. She never grew up around books and, therefore, there are no books in her home today. However, at some point, as adults and parents, it is time to stand up and begin to seek an internal solution to whatever ails us.
If your child is consistently bringing home D's and missing school and is sure to drop out...search within for the solution. It's not necessarily a government shortcoming. How have you contributed to your child's mismanagement of her own education? When your child dreams of switching to the GED program from 8am-12noon daily rather than regular schooling....and you throw her a party for earning her GED...oh, no ma'am....we reinforce underachievement religiously and it has to stop. (yes, people celebrate them for kids now - feel free to comment and tell me why I should not be so hard on us)
Needless to say, if your mother and grandmother didn't go to college, then they may not necessarily have the awareness to guide you in the application process. They don't perceive higher education as applicable to your family. It's not even an option. This drastically differs from homes where college is a foregone conclusion...and many where even graduate schooling is automatic.
It's not money that the black community needs most in schools but parents. The best proof is in the examples of how we functioned prior to Brown vs Board of Education and desegregation. Prior to that, we never took education for granted and we refused to become victims of circumstance. As a result, people were driven and directed...even in the face of egregiously substandard school facilities....we used what we had and parents supplemented at home and filled in the balance.
Cosby was correct. We are to blame for the low graduation rates of our own childen and the even lower college graduation rates. There is so much we can do at home immediately that could significantly increase the success rates of our children. It's up to us.
We don't have to wait for more funding or even an overhaul of our public school system to begin to reverse the damage that we've done to ourselves. I love that our new POTUS has his eye on an overhaul of the public school system and the No Child Left Behind Act. But, no amount of money funneled into the schools is going to sufficiently circumvent the effects of the lack of support for education in the home. If a mother doesn't value education, then rare is the child who will. (there are some children who are independently motivated from birth...and they are the exception, not the rule.)
Sure, many suburban and private schools are well-funded with state of the art science labs, techonologically advanced classrooms and a laptop at every desk.....BOOKS for every child. :) I submit there are some things you cannot do without - up to date books being vital. However, when a child doesn't have a person in the home consistently taking an active interest in her schoolwork, her homework, her attendance and her participation in class and extracurricular activities, she is less likely to excel in school. Any school.
If you are an eighth grade boy more interested in basketball and girls and looking cool in front of your peers, and your mother doesn't even confirm whether you have homework or not, let alone confirm that you've completed it, or, moreso - checked your work for you, then no amount of school funding is going to change it.
Parents take their child's word for it when he says, "I don't have homework." They allow them to turn in substandard work done at the very last minute instead of keeping ahead of the child's requirements in all of his classes. Helping the child then build a habit of procrastination when it comes to the most important life activities.
There is no effort to teach our children at home how to produce quality work and how to maintain that standard. Junior doesn't have to worry about mama vetoing his essay because it's sloppy and has grammatical errors. He knows she won't even read it. Let alone require him to rewrite it. At the most...she will look at the page full of writing to confirm he did something and turn her attention elsewhere.Mama is not requiring that her children read for recreation and independent education in the home.
I'm not blaming mother but I am blaming mother. (and father) On one hand, her mother didn't instill stronger educational values in her. She never grew up around books and, therefore, there are no books in her home today. However, at some point, as adults and parents, it is time to stand up and begin to seek an internal solution to whatever ails us.
If your child is consistently bringing home D's and missing school and is sure to drop out...search within for the solution. It's not necessarily a government shortcoming. How have you contributed to your child's mismanagement of her own education? When your child dreams of switching to the GED program from 8am-12noon daily rather than regular schooling....and you throw her a party for earning her GED...oh, no ma'am....we reinforce underachievement religiously and it has to stop. (yes, people celebrate them for kids now - feel free to comment and tell me why I should not be so hard on us)
Needless to say, if your mother and grandmother didn't go to college, then they may not necessarily have the awareness to guide you in the application process. They don't perceive higher education as applicable to your family. It's not even an option. This drastically differs from homes where college is a foregone conclusion...and many where even graduate schooling is automatic.
It's not money that the black community needs most in schools but parents. The best proof is in the examples of how we functioned prior to Brown vs Board of Education and desegregation. Prior to that, we never took education for granted and we refused to become victims of circumstance. As a result, people were driven and directed...even in the face of egregiously substandard school facilities....we used what we had and parents supplemented at home and filled in the balance.
Cosby was correct. We are to blame for the low graduation rates of our own childen and the even lower college graduation rates. There is so much we can do at home immediately that could significantly increase the success rates of our children. It's up to us.
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